Waiting For Beta

I'm not sure what to expect. I'm not sure what the number will tell us as far as when the bleeding will start. I know this is just the first in a series of blood draws that will monitor the decline of hcg in my system. Once the bleeding starts, the decline will indicate whether all the tissue was passed. But what will the numbers indicate before the miscarriage?

These are just a few of my thoughts while I wait.

What if the numbers are really high? Not that I think there is any chance this pregnancy is viable. Though I have to say if I could go back to the moment after the first scan where my RE told us there was essentially no chance that the embryo would 'catch up' and develop a beating heart, but that we could still schedule a follow up ultrasound, mainly for closure, I would say YES, let's take another look so I won't have these fleeting moments of 'what if' as I wait for the miscarriage.

I think those fleeting moments of 'what ifs' are the worst part of waiting for a natural miscarriage. That, and not being able to make plans for fear that the bleeding will start during said plans.

I'm still content with my decision to wait it out, as difficult as the wait is, as eager as I am am to move on, as nervous as I am about the actual event. Right now it feels like the pregnancy just disappeared without a trace inside me, like my body simply absorbed it. I really cannot imagine the contractions, intense cramping, and degree of bleeding as described in the m/c accounts I have read over the past 2 weeks.

Last night I felt crampy, bloated and slightly queasy, not nauseous, but just queasy and tired. It could be hormones or, I thought, maybe I will start spotting soon. But then the crampy feelings never persist or intensify, and today, still no spotting. I've also been having headaches off and on since this past weekend. Declining hormones or tension? And staying asleep in the middle of the night has been annoyingly difficult. BBT is still up, though not as high, at 98.2, both today and yesterday.

Ok, stay tuned for an update with beta results later today.

many hugs in return. I really am coping well.

jill