This is much less a how-to (sorry) than a burning question. With each passing series of days (1 week past the diagnosis), I grow more weary of what the experience will be like. Is it ok to be alone? Will F need to come home from work? What if I become feverish? How much will I bleed at once? But mostly, WHEN is this going to happen?
Last year, with my chemical pregnancy after an IUI without progesterone support, I started bleeding the day after the second beta. It was like a heavy period, though I swear I had contractions. And what came out resembled a small deflated bubble of chewing gum. I image this time around will be much more intense. I do think the sac has grown a bit. I even have a small pooch (from bloat I am sure) and my abdominal muscles have been tender and sore.
Why doesn't my body know it is making room for nothing?
In a dream I had a deformed looking pregnant belly and was trying to throw softball pitches to high school boys. When I woke up I googled 'hysterical pregnancy.'
I have a beta on the 12th, which will be one day short of 2 weeks past the diagnosis. I called the nurse on Friday to go over everything again and ask some more questions. Like how long does it take for progesterone to leave your system (Could take weeks)? Why do I still have pregnancy symptoms, namely sore breasts (Your hormone levels are still high and your body still thinks you are pregnant)? Could the sac still be growing (yes)? When would you recommend moving on to d&c (we would recommend the drug misoprostol before a d&c, unless you want genetic testing of the tissue)?
Here I have been thinking my choice was between having a natural miscarriage and having a d&c, when really my choice is, first, between having a natural miscarriage and inducing miscarriage with a drug.
Meanwhile the FET is feeling further and further away. What, you thought February/early March?! Think again.
I found two blogs that document the wait for natural miscarriage, http://waitingforamiscarriage.blogspot.com/ and http://waitingtomc.blogspot.com/. Both are written by women without fertility issues and both take approximately 2 months for the entire process, from diagnosis to the first menstrual cycle after the miscarriage. Both are informative, honest and helpful.
I haven't talked to anyone about the miscarriage except for my mom. Of the few friends (3) that know and have called, I haven't been able to answer the phone (they know because I couldn't think of another reason to cancel our New Year's Eve plans. A lie at that moment seemed much harder than the truth). I am more comfortable at this point with text or email, though I did build up the courage to swim laps again with my swimming partner (who also knows), though we didn't talk about the miscarriage. It was a big fat elephant in the car and in the locker room, which is exactly why I have been avoiding my return to swimming. Well, that, and the fear of starting to bleed in the pool. And feeling body conscious. But I did get out with someone other than F, so I suppose that is a positive step in my healing process. I also suppose that I should get in as much swimming as I can before the miscarriage starts. If I am making a list of things I should do before the miscarriage starts, sex needs to be added to that list also (can sex help?). This IVF cycle is the longest we have gone without sex since we started trying to get pregnant. I won't say how long it has been.
Thanks for all of your comments on the last two posts, for sharing your experiences with miscarriage, and for just being incredibly awesome, brave and lovely women (who read this blog).
9 comments:
Again, I'm so sorry this is happening. As for sex, I hear ya on that one. I'm not sure if it would speed things along or not, but I can tell you that I began bleeding after having a vaginal ultrasound to check on things a few days after stopping the meds. Maybe it would help? Thinking of you.
I'm thinking of you. I don't have any sage words of advice, as I opted for a d&c. But I'm still incredibly curious as to when my period will show back up. My doctor warned me it could be 3 months (!!). Like you, I'll be doing an FET once my body gets back to normal.
I'll be reading along and supporting you.
I have heard (both from women who have chosen meds and from my doctor) that the medication they give you to help induce a miscarriage will make the process much more painful. It's painful with or without meds, but I've heard the cramping is much worse. It took 2.5 wks for me to actually miscarry, and I only bled the 3 days leading up to the actual miscarriage, the day of the miscarriage (quite heavily due to the passage of the embryo and sac, which unfortunately for me, came out entirely in tact), and about 3 days after I miscarried. Because I have a negative blood type, I also received a Rhogam shot at the ER. I would strongly recommend not being alone if you're going to do a natural miscarriage. I needed the emotional support and you just don't know how heavily you're going to bleed, when it's going to happen, or how painful it will be, and it's peace of mind to not be alone. The doctor also told me that following the miscarriage, I was not to have sex for 2 weeks to reduce the risk of infection that can occur following a miscarriage, and I was to not do any strenuous exercise during that time as well. I would be sure to schedule an ultrasound after it happens to make sure you don't have any residual tissue inside your uterus, as that can cause an infection. Lastly, we were told that we had to wait at least 2 but preferably 3 cycles before trying to conceive again, as it's best to get your body back to "baseline" and it's also be shown to help reduce the risk of miscarriage from happening again in your next pregnancy if you wait those few months. Anyway, that's what we were told by our RE and by my gynecologist as well. Thinking of you and praying for your strength and for peace.
Thinking of you and wishing you were not having to go through this! I miscarried naturally at about 7 weeks, but it started which led to the ultrasound to confirm a blighted ovum. So I did not have to wait. Mine was like an extremely heavy period with lots of clots and cramping. I spent a lot of time on the toilet. I bled heavy for tree days then tapered off for another 3 - 4. My period returned four weeks later on schedule and we were told we did not have to wait to try again. It took about two and a half weeks for my beta to go to zero after the miscarriage started.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had 2 miscarriages, one at 5 weeks and the other I was 10 weeks with twins, but they were measuring 7 weeks. The 5 weeks miscarriage was just like a heavy period and I started bleeding on my own, which is how I knew I was miscarrying. With the second miscarriage, I had no symptoms that anything was wrong. I went in for an OB appt and neither baby had a heartbeat any more. I was given 3 options - natural, Cytotec or D&C. I chose to try natural first and like you, I gave myself a timeline I felt I could deal with (2 weeks) and then I would evaluate other options. I miscarried one week after stopping meds. It was basically like the worst period cramps I have ever had. This is probably TMI, but I would feel a clot coming and could go to the bathroom. It seemed to come in waves like that over a few hours. There was quite a bit of tissue, some gray matter, and blood. While the physical part is hard, the hardest part for me was the emotional aspect of physically losing my babies and my dream (once again). So I think I was crying during it more from the emotional aspect than the physical. I had an ultrasound about 1.5-2 weeks later to make sure my body had cleared everything, which thankfully it did. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know this doesn't make scientific sense, but someone told me that the baby(ies) you are supposed to have will find their way back to you. I miscarried twins and just under 2 years later I gave birth to twin boys. I truly feel they were the babies I was supposed to have. Hang in there and continue to stay strong.
If I start from when they say the baby stopped growing, it probably took about three weeks for me to start to miscarry and another week for it to complete. According to u/s the sac continued to grow until about a week and a half before I started to miscarry. Until that time, my body continued to "think" it was pregnant.
My husband was there with me during the initial phase of the miscarriage and that was very important, I think, for me. The night of most of the loss, it was about a four or five hour ordeal -- it came in waves and contractions and I lost a great deal of blood and tissue.
I can't tell you how much I wish this wasn't happening. Sending much love your way.
Sorry I am not the best at this, but I am thinking of you and praying for this to be over so you can start to heal.
So sorry you're going through this. I had a d&c a little over a week ago. The I am torturing myself thinking about when my next cycle will start. The thought of waiting more later than March for my next IUI is just adding insult to injury.
I'll be following along and praying for strength as you wait for your body to respond.
Hello, I just found your blog and wanted to offer my condolences as well as my experience with a natural miscarriage. I didn't find out until 12 weeks when I started bleeding that my baby had died somewhere between 8 and 9 weeks. I continued bleeding and passing clots for a full week with "episodes" of contractions that lasted an hour or two, finally with my third episode I had a lot of rectal pressure but wasn't passing anything as I lay in the bathtub for over an hour. I got out of the tub to curl up in a ball and then suddenly I knew I needed to rush to the toilet and in a gush of blood it was all over. I had bleeding for another week after that. My period arrived 4 weeks after the bleeding stopped, was semi-normal but then I had additional spotting for another 3 weeks with that period. I don't ovulate on my own but I guess the pregnancy jump started my ovaries and soon after the 3 weeks of spotting stopped I ovulated on my own and we found ourselves pregnant just 8 weeks post miscarriage. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant...again, and hoping for the best. I hope the miscarriage happens soon for you, I think natural was the best way to go and I do not regret my decision at all. Be sure to have some ibuprofen or something stronger (I had some tylenol with codeine) because it does get quite painful.
Also I am disappointed to hear that your BBT hasn't gone down yet as I was hoping to use that as a sign that I am still pregnant with a live baby this time. Seeing how yours is still up that's discouraging news.
Sorry this has happened to you, thinking of you during this difficult time in between a diagnosis and the official miscarriage.
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