Sometimes when I am feeling especially masochistic (or rather strong, or just happen upon it when I have forgiven the nytimes), I read the Motherlode column. Other masochistic pleasures include watching Pregnant in Heels, reading Samantha Bee's Eating Over the Sink and skyping with my in-laws. Anyway, I clicked on the link for Motherlode this time around because of the title, "Rolling the Dice of a Genetic Legacy."
In my reading experience, the comment section of ANY nytimes article that addresses infertility or IVF is full of "why don't you just adopt-there are so many children needing homes-infertile couples should adopt-IVF is selfish-why did you wait so long-the world is overpopulated" comments.
This post was different.
The author has a genetic disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta, or brittle bone disease, and passed this disease to her daughter. To conceive their second child, she and her husband decided to try IVF with PGD to screen their embryos for OI. Of the four embryos, only one did not have the mutation; but that embryo did not result in a pregnancy. Rather than do IVF a second time, the couple chose to conceive naturally. They did (and later did again). Thankfully, the two youngest children do not have OI.
Sometimes I forget that not everyone who pursues IVF does so because they are infertile. Not to mention the fact that IVF is not a guarantee of pregnancy, even for fertile couples! Infertility aside, I still expected the comment section to be full of insensitive and thoughtless comments about how this couple should have adopted, should not have had a second child, should not have had children at all, ecetera, ecetera. But unlike similar articles about infertile couples, there were none of these comments (at least when I first read it. Later, there was one comment about how this couple was selfish for passing on their genes, but only one).
I have to admit that I was surprised by the supportive reaction. Sadly, or bitterly, my first reaction was to wonder if an infertile woman writing about PGD would have received the same support from the nytimes commentors, and to recall the all too many insensitive and misinformed attacks on IVF and infertile couples originating from the nytimes.
It is not that I wanted this author to be attacked for trying to build her family. I could certainly relate to the desire to have a biological child. I found their attempt to try IVF with PGD noble. It is just that the post left me with mixed emotions. I slowly realized that what I was feeling was low self-worth. Specifically, as an infertile woman, like a lonely member of a caste system that devalues my struggle.
Even when I know it is just as noble to pursue IVF to treat my infertility as it was for this author to prevent genetic disease.
3 comments:
I read this article/comments and found it very interesting. I agree with the few posters who said that commenting probably should not be available for that type of article. It is so easy to point the finger at someone for a choice that they made when you are not in the same position. I used to be one of those people who would say...why do IVF when you can adopt a needy child? Obviously, I now feel quite different. When faced with infertility and repeated loss, the game just isn't the same. The drive and desire to have a biological child is a strong force and no one wants to be in this lonely struggle. You also never know how you would react in a situation unless you too were faced with it. Thanks for sharing this link and your thoughts!
Thank you for sharing this very interesting prospective on IVF. My cousin has OI and it's really a debilitating disease in some senses. I know she and her husband are starting to think about family plans so I can only hope they don't have to go through the struggles that the author has.
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