How To Make Your Infertile Friend Feel Like Shit

As a pregnant woman, you have the perfect opportunity to re-connect with your infertile friend.  Especially now that she has had multiple miscarriages.  You almost had babies due at the same time!  This is a time when you can really support each other.  And talk about what you now have in common: pregnancy.   Just remember that the most important and supportive thing you can do is to assume that your infertile friend WILL have a baby very soon.  The only way to do this is to talk about pregnancy and birth and babies as if she were a fertile myrtle.  IVF makes you fertile, right?

Here are some suggestions:

While you are pregnant, tell your friend all about your worst pregnancy symptoms as well as the fun pregnancy symptoms.  Tell her how shocked she will be by them.  Follow that up with thoughts about how amazing pregnancy is.   *A M A Z I N G*

Make sure to remind her that you had a miscarriage, too.  At least you think it was a miscarriage.  You can't be sure though because you have really long and unpredictable cycles.  It's incredible that you were even able to get pregnant in the first place!

Then share all the saddest miscarriage and pregnancy loss stories that have happened to your other friends, your friend's friends, your cousin's friends and the aunt you hardly know.  Just make sure that all the women you talk about never had any fertility issues and went on to have lots of babies. 

This will make you think of a friend's older sister who has two children from clomid treatments.  Your infertile friend did a few rounds of clomid before IVF, right?  Share this story on at least two different occasions.  And she was over 40!

When your infertile friend tells you that another pregnancy wasn't viable, cry with her.  Tell her later that you cried all evening.  Explain that your pregnancy hormones are raging and you are super emotional.

As you approach your due date, your support and knowledge of pregnancy is even more important than ever.  Your infertile friend may confide that the waits can be very difficult--the wait to miscarry, the wait to cycle again, the wait for test results, the wait for bleeding to end or AF to begin.  Tell her that you can definitely relate to that!  You've been waiting to pop this overdue baby out for a week!  Tell her how uncomfortable you've been during the last few week's of your pregnancy.  The wait is kind of making you depressed.  You can tell her what your midwife told you: "Take time to pamper yourself while you wait for your baby, enjoy this time with your partner.  Do something special for yourself before the baby gets here!"

Randomly ask her if she has ever tried bee pollen.  Because you know a guy who decided he wanted to have a baby with this chick so they both started taking bee pollen and BAM, she got pregnant.

When you do finally have your baby, text her at least 3 baby pictures a day.  Then make sure to call to see how she is doing.  Is she still bleeding from her miscarriage?  Tell her how amazing human life is and that you cannot believe you grew this little person inside of you and then pushed him out.  Ask her if she can hear all the cute little sounds your newborn is making.  It is actually kind of hard to pay attention to what she is saying because he is just so amazing.

Talk about your big boobs.  Ask your infertile friend if she plans to breastfeed.  Tell her you will feel so sorry for her if she has IVF twins and has to breastfeed two!

Now that you've had your baby, you don't need to call as often to check in.  She's probably doing much better now, anyway.  And you have a baby to look at!  Your friend is even sending you a gift!  When you get it in the mail you can call her and tell her how fucking cute your baby looks in it.  Or you could just send a picture.

Your friend is so strong and resilient.  Just like a woman's body giving birth.