or a tomato plant in growing on the northwest coast. My tomato plant looks great (appears healthy, grows and flowers, etc), but due to the air and weather patterns on the coast, tomato plants do not produce fruit here. I am my tomato plant, except if we moved to another climate, nothing would change, would it?
This metaphor has suddenly made me think of acidic and alkaline environments. Since starting acupuncture and TCM in August, I have cut way back on coffee and sugar (both acidic) and started taking a teaspoon of Carlson's cod liver oil (don't worry, it is the one that is low in Vitamin A) daily (alkaline). I have actually noticed a difference in my fertile cm.
Now that I am back home with fertile cm and in the midst of a natural cycle, maybe I am less acidic. Maybe something will be different this month. Maybe it is after our ttc break that I feel different, mostly emotionally. I don't feel infertile. By that I mean I am less focused on our infertility, things feel less urgent, I feel more positive and patient. I don't want to make an appointment with my RE. I do want to continue acupuncture and TCM for at least 2 more cycles.
Or maybe it is that infertility takes so much work and so much time, and I enjoyed those months when we didn't have to try so hard and be so disappointed. And lately I haven't had the time to think too much about infertility. I've been temping and charting and having sex and that is about all I've had time to focus on. Next steps (IUI) just seem too overwhelming right now, maybe December when my teaching term ends and F has winter break...we'll see.
Maybe, maybe, maybe...
And my cousin is pregnant, after trying for close to a year, experiencing an early miscarriage and trying again for 6 months. I am so excited for her. It gives me naive and desperate hope that I am next, that I can do this naturally...because...why? not sure--I am less acidic? Acupuncture is working (no more clots!)? I feel positive? F has been taking fertilaid? oh, maybe the castor oil packs?
Whatever I am feeling and wherever it is coming from (denial? sex endorphins?), I'm sure it won't last. I'll be back to my infertile self in two weeks, just wait.
3 comments:
Those are all great reasons to feel optimistic again. I think when we make strides in the right direction and we can see physical changes happen, its very isnpiring and gives us a renewed sense of hope that things can and will change. Keep on doing what your doing and I hope you are more fertile and a positive test is in the very near future!
All these things sound great! You never know - all these positive changes in your life could really be what you needed to push you over the edge. I think in your case it makes a lot of sense to wait a few months before you go back to the RE. And we'll be here with you no matter what you decide!
I'm feeling very much the same as you right now. Interesting. :) I hope we both get BFPs this cycle and dont have to go back to our Infertile selves!
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