It Settles

My last post had that sense of urgency that overwhelms you after a failed cycle, when another try doesn't work, when bad news feels like a death sentence of sorts.  I wrote it over the first few days of being home after the ultrasound.  Now, stepping back from the upset of the ultrasound room, and after doing some Internet research on CCS, we view the recommendation of Chromosome testing and CCS as not so much a death sentence for any embryo we make together but rather a common next step for dealing with multiple IVF failures or pregnancy losses.  We remind ourselves that we have only had two,  from only two tries so far (one IVF and one FET from the same cycle/protocol).  While I would much much rather be pregnant from my first cycles, and starting over is a huge task, I do feel like we have only just started with IVF.

CCS is usually recommended for patients with multiple pregnancy losses or IVF failures.  Clinical trials have shown that it increases the success rates in patients with these factors.  The idea that all of our embryos will always be genetically abnormal--what I perceived in the ultrasound room while trying to hold myself together--is probably not what was being suggested.  Then again, maybe it was, but no RE is that definitive, right?

Failed cycles and losses are devastating but each brings with it the opportunity to learn more about possible causes for those failures.

I am realizing that my RE is shy.  Maybe not the best at giving bad news, but a very good RE and one of the best in the country.  I actually feel defensive for him when I get comments that question his protocols.  Actually, we have not even discussed what the protocol will be for my next cycle because we have not had the follow up appointment yet.  I know I don't have to say this but I feel compelled-- it's that defensiveness thing, ya know: My current RE is my second opinion.  We took a lot of time to research clinics and programs and ORM and CCRM were at the top of our list.  We went with ORM because of both cost, the refund plan, the stats for my age group and their reputation.  We don't regret our decision and still feel like we are in the right place.

That place is just very sad and disappointing right now.  Thank you all for your comments and hugs on my last two posts.