It has been 2 days since I last spotted. The end of 23 days of bleeding.
While I am relieved to finally be in a position to move on and in the direction of a return to treatment, I am once again stuck in this infertile place of...nothing. Doing nothing--waiting for another cycle, realizing that I will not have a 2012 baby, feeling impatient and desperate, feeling infertile. Consumed. I am looking at 2 months before a possible transfer. That is April. Do you know when I started meds for the IVF cycle that led to my pregnancy and miscarriage? November. 5 months.
I HATE THIS PLACE. I hate that I would rather be put to sleep for the two months I have to wait for treatment (wake me up when it is time!) than have a slice of life without treatment and cycling.
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Ok, this is the rational side of me responding to my impatience. It won't really be 2 months of doing nothing. In a few weeks, hopefully no more than 3, I will call on cd 1 to get my FET schedule. I will either start BCPs a few days later or start lupron later in that same cycle (haven't gone over this with my RE yet). A month long wait at the most. Then we will be doing something instead of nothing.
Besides, I have visitors coming this coming weekend. Then a colleague/friend/collaborator coming to stay for a week. Time will fly.
3 comments:
Oh but I know what that "waiting" is like. I've been scheduled for an IUI for the past 3 months that hasn't happened. Trying my best to find a way to enjoy life, even while "waiting."
The waiting is the worst, but so glad you have a plan in place and a schedule to work with. It makes me laugh how we can see our own rational side, but the irrational side seems to win or be the predomiant thoughts most of the thime.
I'm so glad the spotting is over.
As for the waiting. It absolutely sucks. As much as I told myself that none of it mattered in the grand scheme, every single moment of these forced waits feels like torture. It seems like you should enjoy the time not to worry. Instead, it seems impossible.
I hope the time flies by.
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