9w5d: Finding OB Care

I didn't even start looking until last week because I really didn't think I would make it to where I am now.  9w5d.  And yet, it is taking forever to get to 12 weeks.  Even now, with 6 days past since I've been reassured by an ultrasound, I'm still weary about posting about this pregnancy, let alone walking in to an OB's office like a pregnant patient.  I still fear that I will meet my OB and not hear a heartbeat in the same day.

Shoving all fears aside, I've learned the hard way that getting in for your first prenatal appointment can take quite a while (like months, so if you are putting it off because you are afraid to think ahead to graduating from the RE, make it now).  

I can always continue with my RE until I find OB care, but I cannot express how much I really do not want that.  I really don't.  It is not that I don't like them, I do.  I did have one short pang of sentimentality (and separation anxiety) when they handed me the ultrasound photos, congratulated me and wished me a healthy pregnancy, I even felt warmth toward the smug receptionist I don't always like, but really, F and I couldn't wait to get out of there and never come back. 

Before infertility I always planned on a midwife attended birth.  That is still the kind of experience I think I want, but really, I just want a birth and right now, I don't really care how, where or with whom  it happens.   In a hospital bed?  Whatever. 

Oh, I should tell you that there is no hospital or birthing center in the town where I live.  So I am looking in 3 different cities.  I did have my hopes set on a birthing center in the city where I teach.  It is actually part of a hospital network, so all the CNMs work out of both the hospital and the birthing center, but the center maintains all the comforts and model of care of a birthing center (The hospital is not so bad by itself.  I was very surprised by the jacuzzi tub in the birthing rooms!)    I called the birthing center  right away after my appointment last Tuesday only to hear that the first available appointment is not until January 8 (I'll be 15 weeks by then).  I went ahead and made the appointment with the intention of finding someone temporary asap.

My RE gave me the name of an OB, also in the town where I teach, who has privileges at the same fancy hospital the birthing center is connected to.  From the look of her bio, I get the feeling that she may have used IVF or infertility treatments.  She also treats infertility, which is a comforting thought.  I like the idea of having an OB that understands infertility and what I have been through.    I called to see if I could get an appointment with her (while I am still in my first trimester) and was told that she is not taking new patients.  When I said she was recommended by my RE, the receptionist took my name and the name of the RE and said she would check with the Dr. call me back.

While waiting for that call, I looked up a practice in a town closer to where I live that was also mentioned by my RE.  I found an OB that looked like the best fit at the practice and called to make an appointment.  Nothing until February with her, but there was an OB available to see me on Dec 6.  I booked it just in case I couldn't get anything else until January.

And then I looked him up on their website.  This is what I found,

"...the stages of pregnancy are an allegory for God’s plan of redemption. From creation to the second coming of Christ, [Dr. ______] demonstrates how God has outlined his plan for the ages through the miracle of birth."

Um, no.  This will not work for me. (note:  I have nothing against incorporating one's religious faith into their professional practice.  This may be perfect for his other patients.  I am just not the right patient for that kind of practice.  Plus, what would his take on infertility and IVF be?)

At that point I wanted to cry.  So I made another appointment with a different OB in the city where I work.  And then the recommended, possibly infertile OB accepted me as a patient and squeezed me in next week!

By the end of the day, I had 4 prenatal appointments.  Two I wanted to keep and two I needed to cancel.

If I go to the Infertile OB (I don't have any proof, just a hunch, and yet this is how I will refer to her from now on), I can have all my first trimester screenings done and have another u/s in a week or two.  I think I will be up front with her that my hope is to use the birthing center, but I am nervous about my past history of infertility and miscarriage and what this means for my pregnancy.  In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of having an OB who also treats infertility, has possibly gone through it herself, and could possibly provide the kind of attention an infertile patient needs, especially in the early months.  I will, of course, need to meet her first.  The weird thing?  In her picture she looks just like my RE.  They could seriously be siblings.

Anyway, I have my first OB appointment on Wednesday afternoon.   And another appointment scheduled at the birthing center in January.   I think I may be starting to show a little bit.  I look pretty bloated and I can't suck it in.  My symptoms are pretty light and not much to speak of at all.   As always, this worries me everyday.  No matter how many times I hear it or read it, I do not feel lucky to not have nausea.  I am hoping I get to hear the heartbeat again at my appointment.  I don't need an ultrasound (but wouldn't turn one down), I just need the reassurance of a heartbeat (and no, renting a doppler for home use is not an option for me).