In my Pregnancy Dreams post I wrote that I have never, ever, never had a dream in which I gave birth, birthed an actual baby and had the dream continue beyond the fading away of a pregnancy or child:
My pregnancy dreams since actively trying to get pregnant almost never include an actual baby. I'm pregnant but I never show. I'm going into labor but then it goes away and I'm no longer pregnant. Last night I dreamed that I started going into labor, but I didn't know I was even pregnant (no, I wasn't watching the show before I went to bed!). I actually delivered a baby with F, at home. We filled out the birth certificate. But when we started calling our family and friends to tell them we had a baby, we could not remember her name and couldn't find the birth certificate. By the end of the dream, the baby had become my dog in a diaper.
Last night I had a pregnancy dream and I feel like I have passed a milestone and experienced some kind of success with infertility because I birthed a baby and the dream continued so vividly that I remember the faces, hair and expressions of.....my septuplets.
Now in my dream I didn't birth 7. They must have multiplied after birth, but there were definitely 7.....conceived naturally. And they were all boys. And I was excited to be able to use so many of the boy names that are on my list, family came to visit and the babies still existed. They did not fade away.
But the dream was really about one, the one whose hair and expression and face I really remember (and another who looked exactly like my brother, but let's focus on the 'real baby' baby), the one I showed to everyone who came to visit and the one I held in a yellow blanket. This dream is a first and I, don't laugh, feel kind of like pregnancy is possible now because I've had this dream. You see, for years I have wondered if my pregnancy dreams were some kind of predictor that I would never have a baby. And then we started TTC and the idea that I had never even had a baby in a dream really bothered me.
So with this dream, however silly, I feel like a spell has been broken. It leaves me hopeful in a way I can't explain.
3 comments:
I dont think it's silly at all and as a matter a fact, i have similar feelings. I once dreamt I had a misscarriage during a cycle that I think I had a chemical pregnancy.
I love pregnancy dreams and I think it's a great omen. Even if it's not, it still does wonders for the psyche and that in itself is a huge IF hurdle to overcome. I think you made it over to the other side, indeed. Now we wait for that BFP :) xoxoxoxox
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a baby if I can't even visualize myself having one. So, I think this is definitely a good step.
I get this. More than any of the stuff that I've gone through, the dream when I held my baby in my arms, when I woke up and I was so incredibly happy, that is the one that keeps me going.
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