21 weeks

I am writing a letter to the Infertile OB to tell her how much I appreciated being in her care for those first few prenatal visits.  How do you break up with a medical provider whom you really like?

When I first started looking for prenatal care (last minute, at 9 weeks, after being released from the RE, because I couldn't imagine this pregnancy graduating from the RE), I went with the recommendation from my RE.  After meeting with the recommended OB the very next week, I found out that she was actually a patient of my RE and had conceived through IVF. The transition from the RE to the Infertile OB was perfect, and exactly what I needed at the time.  She understood where I had been, what I was going through and the RE practice I came from.  But now, as my confidence grows and everything about this pregnancy continues to look normal and healthy, I am finally able to think about what kind of birth experience I really want.

It's what I have always wanted, until infertility seemed to rob me of any dreams or ideals I had about childbirth.  It has just taken me a while to get to the point where I believe that this is really going to happen, and that despite infertility or IVF or even fear of loss, I deserve the normal and natural birthing experience I have always imagined for myself and my child.

I don't know if any of you (I should say with singletons because of course with multiples, I imagine OB monitoring is a bit different and your options for delivery more limited) struggled with this after IVF, this idea that because you have been in a strict medical setting for so long, it is difficult to imagine yourself leaving that place for an environment where "normal" is the norm.  You don't feel normal, you don't think of your pregnancy as normal, you even *want* all of those interventions because, what if.....?  Emotionally, I couldn't have jumped from my RE to a CNM practice, even though after visiting the birth center at 15 weeks and talking with a midwife about my history, I knew immediately that was where I wanted to be for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I decided to make the switch as long as everything looked normal at the anatomy scan.

Well, that scan was 3 weeks ago.  In one week I have my first appointment at the birth center with one of the midwives and I am so excited to make the switch (though I do feel sad to part with the Infertile OB because I really like her, and most of all, she's one of us!).

I feel movement pretty consistently now.  F can even feel the movement from the outside.  It is truly overwhelming.