I feel like this cycle officially begins today. I started doxycyline this morning, aspirin tonight, and lupron injections tonight as well. The night sweats have subsided, though I still feel tired.
I had some very light spotting last night, which freaked me out, but after doing some research seems to be due to taking extra birth control pills, more than are in one pack. It could also be that I am having to adjust the time I take them to create the two hour buffer needed between antibiotic and birth control pill.
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Yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking way into the future. After being guilt tripped by my mother-in-law for not visiting her home since 2009 (she's been out to visit us at least once a year since then, so it isn't as if we haven't seen her in that time. We have in that time had to travel year round for fertility treatments, had 2 miscarriages, almost lost my brother, spent time apart due to jobs, etc, etc. She also does not work and can travel whenever she wants. Selfish?), I started thinking about the weeks after the birth of our future child when family will come to visit. That seems logical, no?
Some background. We live across the country from all family. F's mom lives in a different state than the rest of our families. We tend to travel by default back 'home' where we are from because that is where everyone lives (except F's mom) and we can visit almost everyone at the same time. We try to persuade my mother-in-law to visit our home state (also hers) at the same time so we can all be together. She doesn't count these times as 'visiting her.'
When we have a baby, we are assuming our families will want to come and visit, to meet the grandchild, niece/nephew. That is a lot of people all at once. We want everyone to have their own time to spend with the baby without having to compete with everyone else (especially the moms), not to mention a less chaotic environment during a major life transition for us.
Why am I thinking about this now? I don't know but I can't help it. The conversation with my mother-in-law just made me want to plan this out now, even if it is fantasy, maybe even as a way of punishing her. Because we decided (yes, F even humored me and had this conversation) that my parents should have the first visit, because this will be their first, and probably only, grandchild.
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It actually felt good to fantasize about something so uncertain. F and I so seldom allow ourselves to think ahead to life with a baby, to imagine success (out loud and together, at least). It was almost as if we were trying to visualize the outcome of this cycle (even if it originated from a place of family melodrama), if only in an indirect way, with something relatively safe and trivial, such as when will family come to visit. A possible outcome much more difficult is to even acknowledge is that this frozen, future child could arrive into the world with the same birthday as my Dad. A gift. To think too much about this possibility could bring me to tears. So I won't.
3 comments:
What a fun thing to fantasize about (and an important detail to hash out when the time comes!). We had the first couple of hours post-birth all to ourselves... then my in-laws came to meet her (they live in town)... but they still gave us plenty of space. 4 days post birth my parents drove in (from 1,000 miles away), and though they spent 2 1/2 weeks here, only the first couple of days were with us, and after that they stayed elsewhere. It's so important to have time for just you and your hubby and baby to bond... to learn together and cry together. :) Praying that you have to hash out the details for your family soon!!
Sometimes focusing on the future is the best way to go! I hope so much that you get to put your plans into place!
Sending positive thoughts your way!
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