Saturday, December 31, 2011

Empty

Sac. An Empty Sac.

6w3d.

A Gestational Sac measuring 5w5d. A Yolk Sac barely visible. No Fetal Pole.

That's it.

My options:

1. Continue progesterone and estrogen and return for another u/s next week, with a 1%-3% chance that something will change.
2. Stop progesterone and estrogen and wait for natural miscarriage.
3. Take the drug, misoprostol, to induce miscarriage.
4. Schedule a D&C.
5. Schedule a D&C and have genetic testing done on the tissue.

We drove the 6 hours home yesterday in mostly silence interrupted by my occasional sobs. When I spilled the coffee, when my mom texted me, when I thought about how I had been losing symptoms over the last few days, when I thought about how completely unfair infertility is or that tomorrow will be 2012. I thought about many things on the way home.

I stopped the progesterone and estrogen and aspirin. This morning I stayed in bed wondering if I made the right decision. If I should have scheduled a second u/s. If a miracle could happen. Yet knowing that I am no longer pregnant.

22 comments:

Courtney said...

Hi there,

I am sorry to read this and for what you're going through.

You mentioned not being sure if you did the right thing, and I usually just lurk but wanted to chime in. I had the same experience with a FET. The doctor would tell you if they wanted you to wait longer before stopping the drugs and or doing a D&C. If they thought there really was a chance that it would work out, they would NOT let you stop progesterone or schedule a D&C even if you begged them (that is what I did - I knew it was hopeless from my slowly rising betas).

Please don't second guess yourself. An empty sac is just that - there is and was no baby and you're not doing it any harm by stopping the drugs if the doctor said you could.

Hang in there. I know it's hard, but as my RE told me when we went through this - the good news is that it technically worked and you can get pregnant. You should be pregnant soon enough... just not as soon as you'd hoped :(

I'm thinking of you.

waiting and wishing said...

I'm so sorry. I know there is nothing I can say that will make it any easier, but I will be thinking of you as you face this.

ousoonerchick said...

I'm so sorry hun!! I was there heading into 2008 so I feel your pain. I'm sorry babe!

LRM said...

Oh Hun, so sorry. I'm heartbroken for you. Praying and thinking about you.

Mrs. ISGPOTM said...

So sorry.

Lady Grey said...

So very, very sorry. My heart is breaking for you. :'(

My Vegas said...

I am so sorry.



(((hugs)))

Sandy said...

Oh I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!

Jos said...

Oh my gosh Jill, my heart just dropped when I read this on my phone last night. I am SO sorry that this was the outcome. Praying that one (or more!) of your 4 embabies on ice will be a child in your arms sooner rather than later...

Frankie Bee said...

Oh, I am so sorry to read this post. I can only imagine the pain and absolute devatation that you must be feeling right now. The first and only natural pregnancy I experienced was a blighted ovum (gestational sac, but no fetal pole), so I can empathize with you on this, but to have gone throught the FET and have your hopes so high and then brought so low is so horrible. I will be thinking of you and your husband and hope that this ordeal passes quickly and you are able to concieve a healthy pregnancy very soon after.

Just T said...

My heart is breaking for you right now. I am so sorry that this happened to you.....

I agree with Courtney, dont second guess your decision.

Thinking of you.

Rebecca said...

I am so incredibly sorry. This is beyond unfair and I'm just so sorry. I wish there was something I could say. Much love and hugs your way.

Keya said...

Jill, I am so so sorry. 2012 will be a better year for both of you,I am sure of it. Keeping you in my thoughts.

cdg said...

I am so sorry, sending you so much love

Tippy said...

Oh shit...I'm so sorry Jill. Not the best way to end 2011. Wishing you had better news. This journey can be so hard and long and just plain sucky. Big hugs.

Sara-Lynn said...

So sorry! Sending love and hugs and prayers. I hope this year will be better for you.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Like a bunch of other PP's I think you made the right decision, not only from personal experience (though that is part of it) but because in the end, you know what's best for you in the long run.
Please do remember to take good care of yourself in the coming weeks. Sending you love and strength.

Kerrik said...

I'm so sorry hun. I wish there was something I could say to make all this easier, but I just don't think those words exist. Wishing you all the best as you move forward, and sending you lots of comforting thoughts.

HS @ Our Debt Blog said...

No heartbeat?? I'm sooo sorry but look at this as a positive, you can get pregnant and you have many FET's left! you only put ONE in!

We did IVF back in July 2011... wife only had 4 eggs! only 3 fertilized, all were 8 to 10 cells, we transferred 2 and froze 1. Those 2 weeks after transfer are hell, you know what I'm talking about LOL When we went back only 1 made it and it had very low HCG levels.

MIRACLES do happen and your miracle will come true. I am proof that what you are doing works:

http://www.ourdebtblog.com/2011/11/thanksgiving-miracle.html

Wish you the best! don't give up!!

HS

A said...

Jill, I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

erika said...

Tremendous (((HUGS))). I am so sorry for your loss:(
I know it is hard to stay positive, but keep the hope that things will turn for the better because they will!
Having positive thoughts for you and pray that you heal soon and that the new year will bring you new miracles!

Kim said...

Jill, my heart sank into my stomach when I read your post title. I am so very sorry for your loss, what a devastating end to an exciting cycle. The good news is your journey is not over, but I know it doesnt take away your pain and dissappointment and heartbreak. Praying for you and your husband. xoxoxoxx