15 weeks: Still Pregnant

Since I last posted I made it to 13 weeks.  My 3 month mark!  Then I made it to 14 weeks.   I made it 4 long weeks without hearing the heartbeat.  At my second OB appointment, we were able to hear the heartbeat again via doppler.  135 beats per minute.  It made me want to rent my own doppler to make it through the next four weeks until the anatomy scan. 

Now that I am 15 weeks I have decided to stop prefacing the way I talk about my pregnancy with, "If all goes well...," or "If we end up with a baby in July..." or "If I'm still pregnant...."   I need to decrease the number of thoughts about fetal death that I have in a day.  Changing the way I talk about this pregnancy is a huge step.  

So is documenting my expansion.  This is a photo from 14w3d.  

I had a few friends over last weekend and one said, "Wow, you are really starting to show!"  I almost cried.

Another huge step is building up the courage to shop for maternity items.  I'm down to 3 pairs of pants I can still button up in the morning (by dinner, I'm in yoga pants, but even those are getting snug).  After my last OB appointment, F and I went to Target and bought a belly band.  I like the band but it works better for some pants than others and tends to ride up in the back (not good).  So far that's it. 15 weeks is time to go shopping.

Buying maternity items definitely makes the pregnancy feel more real.  But it is so scary.  It requires a huge leap of faith and commitment to the idea that I will give birth to a live baby sometime around July 3.

I do have to say I am in love with that date.