Finally.
It is time to move on now. It has been 4 months since my IVF retrieval, 3 months since the miscarriage was diagnosed, 6 weeks since the miscarriage.
This is where I am now. Cycle Day 1.
Cycle Day 1 is always a hard day, even though I've been waiting and waiting for it to arrive. Now that it has arrived, I feel...I don't know, maybe more depressed than I did waiting for the miscarriage? Instead of imagining what the FET will be like, getting excited for it...instead, I thought of the miscarriage today; I thought about the day I found out I was pregnant. And I thought about not being pregnant, of being so close and of having to start all over again. I thought of giving up. I thought of basically every negative, fear filled thought you can imagine. All of it. My attitude is low.
This is no way to start a new cycle.
My first IVF was exciting. I don't feel that this time. I really want to. I want to be optimistic. I am just so scared that it won't work again.
6 comments:
Ugh, I'm sorry you're feeling so down about this CD1. Don't give up - let yourself feel sad today, but then work really hard on positive thinking. You WILL be a mom!
It is so hard to be hopeful after an IVF cycle that ends in excitement and then heartache. I've been there and it stinks. Press on though, you can do this! PS, I have some random IVF related leftovers. Shoot me an email if you need anything!
(((hugs)))
I've been thinking of you a lot. I am happy to see a post from you. CD1 has that effect--it is both sad and hopeful. I am pulling for you.
I'm so sorry. I felt the same way my first cycle post-miscarriage. It is just so hard, all of it. Wishing you the best of luck with this fresh new cycle.
It's ok to have these low feelings while starting another cycle - it's very normal! Although it's tough, you'll make it through this cycle, and I believe you'll feel better and more hopeful as this cycle progresses. I'm so hopeful for you!!!
Sending hope that this cycle is going well. This has to be a tough transition.
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