I'm filling out my new cycle chart for the month. Today is cd 1 again. I will call the clinic and get my instructions for beginning IUI with clomid cycle #2. Everyone is hopeful because the first IUI attempt resulted in a BFP. While I welcome hope, I know that hopeful beginnings result in hopelessly disappointing endings. January cycles also carry more weight than other months for my family. We are a family of October babies. My mom, myself, my brother, my mom's sister, my dad's brother, my great-grandfather, my mother-in law, my cousin, F's aunt, F's great-grandmother, F's cousin, am I forgetting anyone? Everyone loves October babies. Everyone also loves to remind us that if we conceive this month we will have another October baby, that maybe I am "just meant to have an October baby". It doesn't help any to remind them that this will be the third January I have tried to get pregnant.
Oh, really?
Yes, this will be the third January we have been trying for a pregnancy. As I fill out my cycle chart, I write in age: 33, shortest cycle: 28 days, longest cycle: 35 days, month: Jan-Feb, year: 2011, fertility cycle: 24.
24 months. That means 2 years. And thus today I celebrate/mourn the 2 year mark of infertility and my first cycle of 2011.
There are many differing statistics out there but they all basically say something like this (spouted from memory and not from any one source): less than 25% of couples achieve pregnancy on their first cycle. About 60% become pregnant after 6 months of trying, 85% after one year of trying. Somewhere around 95% achieve pregnancy after two long years of trying.
And here we are. The non-achievers. The doubly confirmed infertiles. After one year you are diagnosed with infertility, after two years you are, yep, definitely infertile! And at the point in the statistics fertility trajectory where those statistics end. After all, 95 % of us (well, not us; they are, we aren't) are pregnant. Tonight I will fill up a glass of wine and toast F and I for outlasting the statistics. For a new year, for a new cycle, for another shot at an October baby.
7 comments:
Oh sweetie. 24 months - that's hard. I'll have hope for you, ok? I hope this cycle is it!
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! <3
I hate those statistics, all they brought me was false hope for so long. And here I sit- 2 years and 28 cycles later - still no baby. I am sorry Jill, none of us would have chosen to be here...it's not fun and I know the family/friends mean well when they say you will ahve an october baby, but I guess at some point all the optimism seems so very futile.
With all that said, I am excited about your upcoming cycle # 2 and I certainly do hope this is the end to a very long IF journey and the begining of something new and wonderful. xoxoxoxox
I'm so sorry for the 2 year mark. It is a weird spot to hit because it really does seem just so significant.
But, I do have a lot of hope for your next cycle.
Thinking of you.
The two year mark is really hard. I really hope that this comes to a happy end for you very soon!
As far as I am concerned, statistics can suck it. They're either a pat on the back or a kick in the teeth, and I think most people in the IF world are the kick in the teeth story. Grrrr.
Happy ICLW.
So sorry you had to cross that two year mark! It was a tough one for me as well.
Keeping my fingers crossed for your October baby!
~ICLW #9
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