I am maxed out.
I did not realize that I was taking the maximum dose of both Follistim and Menopur. I feel silly for thinking, "well at least they did not increase my dose...."
When I asked the holiday RE (not my RE) if he thought my follicle count was low going into trigger, this was his answer:
"Well, we are working with all that you have. You started with 11 at your baseline scan. We can't make eggs that are not there. You have been taking the maximum dose of the medications."
Oh.
No words of encouragement or comfort. Not even close.
I am glad he is not my RE. Though, still, I was in tears today because he was the holiday RE at the last monitoring appointment before my retrieval. So he might as well be my RE. He asked me the same stupid small talk question he asked me on Friday, not even pretending to remember us. I have to trigger tonight with his words in my mind. And then I go into the retireval of my first IVF with the fear that I haven't produced enough eggs to make this work.
I don't think I have to tell you how emotional I am today. My feelings are hurt. I feel vulnerable and discouraged. I am scared.
Follicle Report: 11 follicles. Largest measuring 19-21mm. Smallest around 14.
E2: 2,384
Lining: 12
Tonight I finish the Follistim, Lupron and Dexamethasone. Trigger at 9:30 pm.
Retrieval scheduled for Tuesday 11/29.
6 comments:
Please don't be discouraged. 11 is actually a great number. I know there are so many people who right about having more than that, so it seems like anything less than 20 is not good enough. But, for my second IVF, I had 11 follicles going into trigger, which turned into 12 eggs retrieved. I ended up with 3 really great embryos, and a chemical pregnancy, so that's pretty darn close, with only 11 follicles. Hang in there, and try to stay relaxed if you can.
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess Dr. M? He isn't my favorite either. Sorry you had to deal with that today! I'll be thinking good thoughts for you for Tuesday's ER!
Try to keep your hopes up! If they get 11 good eggs, that is not a bad number!! Keep reminding yourself that it only takes one good egg...
Sorry he wasn't particularly sensitive. There is still very good, big possibilities around. Praying for lots for you.
I'm sorry for such a useless lump of an RE. Would be nice if he could have used a bit of bedside manner there!
Regardless, I'm sending great, beautiful mature vibes to those 11 and sending you amazing, excellent trigger vibes as well. Crossing everything for you.
Sometimes it just feels like we are a herd being shuffled through....sorry about the Backup RE - sigh.
I think your 11 eggs are fantastic, we always want more, but if you had 5 less, you would give anything for 11....so its all about perspective. Try to keep that chin up....and lets pray for good quality in there. I know its such an emotional jounrye, Praying for you...xoxoxoxox
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