I started my progesterone suppositories the day after the IUI. 100 mg to divide into 2 doses a day.
It made me feel so tired. Then six days past the IUI my breasts were sore (yes!) and I was having major crampy twinges that kept me constantly reminding myself that no matter how much I (inaccurately) imagined them to be feelings of burrowing blasts, it was just the progesterone.
Can someone please explain crampy twinges? What the hell are these?
10 days past the IUI my breasts were no longer sore. But it was still early. At 12 days past I woke up and felt like my body had deflated. Completely deflated. I'm sure you know the feeling. For me it means the impending arrival of AF. All feelings of bloating, puffy-ness, swollen-ness in all the right places had vanished. Gone. Deflated.
And I knew even before the spotting that I was not pregnant. I tried explaining this feeling to F and my mom. It must be a feeling only female Infertiles recognize and understand. We just know, and there is no consoling us, no words that can keep us hopeful until the test. It is absolutely useless to tell me that there is still a chance. I am not being negative, I just know, you know?
So at 12 days past the IUI I grieved and cried (And F and I decided that we were moving on to IVF at ORM, but more about that later), so that yesterday when I peed on a stick, I didn't have the energy or emotion to cry. I didn't examine the test in every possible light at every possible angle as usual, instead, I put a pad on and went back to bed with F. I am still angry that it didn't work, but I am ready to move on.
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Maybe it is a blessing that the progesterone did not make me feel pregnant or delay my period. I could still be in limbo right now, writing an entirely different post, waiting for the nurse to tell me to stop taking the progesterone, waiting for my period, repeated negative tests. Even though I tried to plug my cervix with one last suppository so I could at least make it to my POAS test date, I knew the answer. No beta even needed.
The suppositories did however, ruin a few pairs of underwear, yes even with a pantyliner. The progesterone gave me constipation. And one unmentioned side effect? Your sex partner may want absolutely nothing to do with your oily vagina.
I can't believe we are moving on to IVF. It has been two years, but I really just can't believe it.
12 comments:
Hey - I am so sorry that the IUI did not work. It's a terrible feeling. I felt so horrible after my first failed IUI. I just knew it would work, so when it did not I was so let down. We went on to do 3 more of them and none of them took. I wish we would've gone straight to IVF after the first failed one. I'll look forward to hear about your future plans.
Ugh, I'm so sorry to read this post Jill. Shitty, sucky, crappy. :( Progesterone supps are no fun either way, but at least it feels worth it if you get a BFP at the end. I spent months on them in my 2ww... not great for the sex life.
On the up side, excited to hear about your IVF decision!
I'm sorry to hear that the IUI did work. I can relate to the 'I can't believe we're moving on to IVF' feelings too. I think even if you deep down 'think' you'll end up there, it is still a tough realization once you really ARE there. I have to say though, you are in GREAT hands are ORM!!
oh the progesterone constipation - not fun at all. I am so sorry about that the IUI failed, yep you definitely know when it hasn't worked, and you have all of these cheerleaders that are just so positive and sure but you just know it hasn't worked. I start IVF again in two weeks - eeek! you can be my IVF buddy if you like!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I know EXACTLY that feeling, though. On progesterone it's like suddenly I just feel unpregnant. And, it seems to be worse when I'm on prog instead of just normal. Not sure why.
And, yep, I found that the only thing that saved my panties from the prog was full on maxipads -- the crazy "more absorbent than you'll ever need" kind.
Looks like we're heading on to IVF together. Here's hoping that this is "it" for both of us.
Please move on from IUI... we did IVF this last month and it was so much better! at least you get to see the egg and the sperm become one! which had never happened for us before. Yes it may not work from here on but at least my sperm met my wife's egg LOL...
knowing what I know now I think we would have just started with IVF. Doctors like IUI because they bring in a lot of $$ to the clinic but at some point you have to tell them no more...
Progesterone is hell. My doctor had me on 400 mg (yes, 400!) per day and I nearly lost my mind from the side effects. And my period is now delayed until God knows when. Nope, no chance I'm pregnant. The three negative HPTs told me so. So I'm stuck in that dreaded limbo.
I'm really, really sorry this IUI didn't work out for you. It's always devastating when a cycle fails. I hope you can get the IVF ball rolling soon. Good luck.
Sorry for your failed cycle. Progesterone is a total mind-frak. I hate it so much! All the pregnancy symptoms, with no pregnancy promised. Urgh.
But here's the upside: your body knows what's good for it. AF came before you stopped the supps. This is a very good thing. Your body = oozing awesome sauce (not in the literal way, of course, since AF is neither sauce nor awesome). :-)
I get it... I know how it feels. With each new step, it's a grieving process of what you thought you wouldn't need to do. We are here for you to help you in your next step. Big hugs.
Progesterone sucks - I had the opposite happen and had an 18day luteal, after stopping taking it after the negative beta. 3 IUIs down, and starting IVF after this cycle. Looks like we may be IVF cycle buddies!
I'm so sorry Jill - no matter how you slice it, finding out it didnt work (or knowing it didnt) is so hard to swallow. I thought for sure you were going to say you peed on a stick and it was positive (or at least that was the hopeless infertile in me wishing so).
I hated the progesterone inserts, but figured the must be betetr than the shots?! Neither one would be better.
Well when your ready, you can start getting excited about IVF. It saddens me that we have been in the holding spot for so long....I wish it didnt have to be so hard or take so long.
I'm so sorry this IUI didn't work. I know you really didn't want to move to IVF - none of us do - and I was hoping that you wouldn't have to go down that path.
Very excited though that you are bringing in the big guns of IVF - the rates are so much better, and yes it's a serious pain, but this really could get you your baby!!!
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